


you can hate people and still think they're hot

by truthbealiar



Series: [upbeat music] [1]
Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, F/M, brooklyn 99 au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 21:12:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19070767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/truthbealiar/pseuds/truthbealiar
Summary: Honestly, at this point Arya is pretty sure the only thing holding her sister back from committing cold-blooded murder is her desire to become the youngest female captain in Winterfell history. If only Sansa and Theon could be as well-adjusted as Arya and her definitely-not-my-boyfriend Gendry.- or -The Brooklyn 99 AU that no one asked for.





	you can hate people and still think they're hot

**ARYA:** you’re never going to believe what happened today.

 **GENDRY:** That could mean literally anything from Margaery performing an interpretive dance for troubled youth, to Jon glaring from a corner, pretending to be a bomb.

 **ARYA:** idk what you’re talking about, those are both totally normal events

 **GENDRY:** Honestly, you’re right

 **GENDRY:** But what happened?

 **ARYA:** robb.

 **GENDRY:** Did he accidentally send for another Latvian mail order bride instead of an action figure again?

* * *

 

The precinct was quiet. Too quiet. Arya didn't like it. There was the regular noise of a police precinct getting to work first thing in the morning, but there wasn't the _team's_ noise. There were no orgasmic moans coming from the break room, that usually indicated that Jaime and Tyrion were sinking down onto the couch, or Robb was eating some weird cuisine he had found from what was either a five-star Michelin restaurant, or served on artisanal plates from a literal sewer. Even Jon wasn't dancing around and doing his weird little yogurt happy dance, while humming around a spoon. Arya could hear the obnoxious clicking of Margaery's phone, but that was only because she was a stone cold bitch who refused to turn her phone on silent.

Usually there was much more noise, but usually two more members of the team were present.

Theon wasn't much of a surprise. He was always late. In fact, Arya had a suspicion that he walked in late each day on purpose, because he had severe daddy issues, and craved Davos' reprimands. (The fact that he had said "I love you, Dad," to Davos the other day had only confirmed it.) But lately he had been getting to work on time - or even early. Everyone knew exactly why. Everyone except for the reason Theon had been getting to work early.

Working for the Winterfell police department was a family job. Ned Stark had been the police commissioner back in his day, and it hadn't been a surprise to anyone that his children followed in his footsteps. Some outside of the Stark family had been surprised at Sansa's eagerness to join the force - let alone her sheer determination to become the youngest female captain in Winterfell history - but that was just because she was a well-rounded person, and actually had a healthy work-life balance.

Arya snorted to herself. Imagine that.

Sansa was a good detective too, great even. Her mind was sharp, and she had a knack for seeing patterns that was practically unparalleled. She was also wound tighter than a clock. She was the most organized person Arya knew. She had binders that were color coded and alphabetized. They had _tables of contents_. Sansa's closet had an actual system, and her clothes hung on velvet hangers. Sansa was a proper adult.

Theon, however, was a human disaster, who was remarkably and annoyingly good at his job. He still wasn't convinced he wasn't living out some sort of cross between the Matrix and Die Hard, and Arya was mildly concerned every time they wound up on top of a roof - way more frequently than seemed normal - because jumping off and screaming 'parkour!' while trying to look like an action hero sounded exactly like the sort of thing Theon would do. She once overheard him having a heated debate with Robb about the merits of having sex on bubble wrap, and whether or not it would enhance the experience.

Theon and Sansa were truly perfect for one another.

Every year, Theon and Sansa had some sort of bet going on, usually bigger and stupider than the last. It had been pretty clever at first - who could arrest the most murderers, even though they both knew that Arya would crush them - but over time their standards had seriously slipped. Arya didn't even know what their current bet was about. She was pretty sure it had something to do with jaywalking girl scouts. But she was also fairly certain that Theon had been the one responsible for the bet, and he had been a bit distracted by the top that Sansa had been wearing, which was honestly too tight to be considered decent.

(Sansa had been flushed that entire day, and suspected Robb of ruining her laundry - because honestly, it wouldn't have been the first time - while Arya had slipped a smirking Margaery ten dragons.)

Literally no one cared about the stupid girl scout bet. But there was one bet that everyone in the office was following with rapt interest, and that was the bet on when Theon and Sansa would finally hook up.

In the years since the pair had started working at the nine-nine, the bet had grown to massive proportions. It had even transferred hands - when poor Podrick had been reduced to tears at the sheer volume of bets being placed - and now the captain's husband was in charge. Arya had been shocked to discover that it was in Stannis' hands, instead of Davos' until the man had admitted to her in confidence, that he himself had placed a bet on the pair of them. In fact, the only person who hadn't was Robb, but only because he was far too impatient and meddlesome for that. More of his day consisted of schemes to get his best friend and sister together, than actual police work.

The problem was, the two of them were stubborn, and they were both idiots with abandonment issues a mile wide. They were also dating other people, but that was inconsequential as far as Arya was concerned. Harry Hardyng was boring as fuck and terrible in bed (she had heard Sansa’s complaints) and Roslin was a criminal defense attorney. Enough said. Theon constantly looked at Sansa like he wanted to bend her over her desk, and Sansa sometimes stared at Theon as if she could spend all day color coordinating his sock drawer.

Bold of her to assume he had a drawer, let alone socks.

So there was their intense fuckability (because sure, while Arya was pretty sure her sister was into some kinky shit that would probably have Theon faint with pleasure, she was also fucking _weird_ ) there were also these looks exchanged between the two of them. Looks that screamed, I want to bundle you up like a burrito in the softest kidnapping ever and never let you leave my apartment. Arya wasn’t really sure who would be doing the kidnapping, because both of them had that exact same look that the other never noticed.

(Arya really hoped it ever came to it though, Sansa was the one to toss Theon over her shoulder. Theon’s apartment was literally condemned by the city, while Sansa actually had guest linens like a fucking champ.)

The elevator chimed, signalling an entrance, and Arya looked up.

The first thing she noticed was the flush at the high points of her older sister’s cheeks. Arya glanced her over carefully, and then shot Margaery a thumbs up, which the other woman acknowledged with a smirk. Margaery had removed something about stealing buttons from Sansa’s shirts, and hiding her sewing kit so that Sansa could no longer button her shirts up to her clavicle. No, her clavicle was fully exposed, along with a hint of cleavage, that Theon certainly couldn’t miss, because Sansa was also wearing her heels.

It was a great mystery of the precinct how Sansa managed to run in heels, but she could have been the other moronic redhead from the dinosaur movie, she pulled it off so well.

Simply put, her sister looked hot. And - angry. She was getting closer, and Arya frowned, noting the stilted movements, and the way that Theon seemed to be awkwardly trailing her, looking torn between annoyance and adoration. A fairly typical Sansa-Theon interaction. But then Arya’s gaze traveled down, and she let out an almighty groan. There, locking the pair together, was a shiny pair of handcuffs. And standing a few feet behind the pair, looking far too pleased with himself, was Robb.

“Arya, do you have a key to these handcuffs?” Sansa gritted out, as she approached her younger sister’s desk. Even though Arya thought her brother was an absolute _idiot_ \- and might have very well pushed Theon and Sansa back several steps, which would screw with Arya’s proposed date in the bet - she couldn’t help but smirk at her sister’s situation. It was pretty funny.

“Betcha never thought you’d need this,” Arya snarked, reaching into her desk for the key. Which just so happened to be missing. _Robb._

Using her hand that was attached to Theon to pinch the bridge of her nose, while Theon glared at her, holding up his hand awkwardly, Sansa sighed heavily.

“No, Arya. I never imagined I would be in handcuffs.”

“Never imagined I would be in handcuffs, title of your sex tape, hah!”

Sansa’s expression became murderous.

Arya wondered if she ought to start another side bet among the precinct, as to when Sansa would snap and actually murder her partner. Hey, if Arya didn’t win one bet, she might win the other. And with those two, either seemed equally likely.

* * *

 

 **ARYA:** i miss you

 **GENDRY:** I miss you too.

 **ARYA:** i hate your undercover assignments

 **GENDRY:** Yeah, me too.

 **GENDRY:** Anything in particular bring this on?

 **ARYA:** jon’s just crying over taylor swift again. it makes me feel more emotions than i’m comfortable with.

 **GENDRY:** Taylor makes us all feel things.

 

**Author's Note:**

> this is ridiculous and i loved every moment of writing it. more one-shots will be added to this series as the fancy strikes me. unbeta'd, so all mistakes are my own! come shout at me on [tumblr](http://joygreys.tumblr.com/)!


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